Saturday, December 04, 2004

Now clap your hand everybody, and everybody clap your hands

Continuation of the previous, boyee

A Trip Through Greg's Movies, Pt. 2: VHS 1

1. Back to the Future, Part III -- McFly you bojo, those boards don't work on water...unless you got POWAH. Yeah, I know that quote is actually from BTTF2, but I can't think of anything interesting to say about it. Mary Steenburgen is in this movie, and also in Joan of Arcadia. Tom Wilson is in this movie and Freaks and Geeks.

2. Beetlejuice -- In the movie himself they spell his name Betelguise, like the star, but in the title of the movie they spell it Beetlejuice. I guess they thought the viewing public couldn't handle it. By the way, Lydia was hot for a goth chick. By the by the way, Shake shake shake senora. An entirely Harry Belafonte soundtrack to a movie about a weird ghost who terrorizes other, nice ghosts seems like a dicey proposition, but it works out.

3. Being John Malkovich -- Upcoming Sequel: Being Patrick Huber. I heard it's mostly about Palmerston and the third season of Boston Public, though. Also, marijuana.

4. Better Off Dead -- This movie rocks.

5. Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey -- Most non-non triumphant. Death in this movie is so awesome. "what about my butt? I work out all the time". The cartoon version of the Bill and Ted show was pretty terrible. Actually, as I sit right now, I am looking at a Bill and Ted comic book that my brother and I had a long time ago. Don't remember how we got it, but in this issue, Bill and Ted are brought before the council of time on trial for altering events that happened in the past. It's so terrible that it's indispensable. I won't spoil the ending for you.

6. Bowfinger -- Honestly I can't say why I own this movie or how I ever obtained it. I can however say that it is a fairly mediocre but pretty funny movie, and that Heather Graham is hot in it. All things considered, I would rank this Heather Graham's second best movie, behind License to Drive, starring Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. More on the Haimster and the Feldster will come in a later post on Big Wolf on Campus, perhaps. I guess I should say I've never seen Boogie Nights, so it's probably better than this movie. Corey Feldman's best movie: Rock and Roll High School Forever. Corey Haim's best movie: Just One of the Girls. Cory Hoogaker's best movie: Scramble Squares Challenge, the Motion Picture.

7. Can't Hardly Wait -- I've discussed this movie a little bit before in a very early post. Top 3 Characters in Can't Hardly wait: 1. Kenny 2. Mike Dexter 3. Preston. "So he's normal height, has curly hair, but not really curly, and he sometimes wears t-shirts" "yeah, but he's Preston. PRESTON". JLH has a huge forehead. Kind of unrelated, I guess, but it is true. Ever since I saw this movie, I always wonder whether Mandy was really about Barry Manilow's dog. I guess it probably isn't. Actually, it's probably an exaggeration to say I ALWAYS wonder. Mike Lee likes this move more than I do.

8. Chinatown -- It's tough for me to discuss a movie I seriously enjoy. I'll just say that I think it's a great movie. Fun Fact about Jack Nicholson: He always plays the same character in every movie. Worst Jack Nicholson movie: tie between Wolf and Anger Management. Worst Adam Sandler movie: Little Nicky (barely beats Mr. Deeds, and I never saw 8 Crazy Nights). Worst Patricia Arquette movie: Stigmata. Fun fact about Stigmata: Once we had a whole night at my high school youth ministry talking about how this movie was degrading to the Catholic church. They showed a bunch of clips from movies "degrading" to the Catholic church. One of the clips was from I Know What You Did Last Summer, where somebody gets killed in a confession booth. I think some people in the Catholic church mayhaps take JLH movies a bit too seriously.

9. Dawn of the Dead -- Originally my VHS copy of this was stolen from Zack, but eventually I gave him back his copy and bought my own. My favorite part of Dawn of the Dead is the part where it implies somebody is going to kill themselves by decapitating themselves with a helicopter propellor. Too bad they chickened out. I heard in the original version they went through with it, but the studio thought it was too bleak so they made em change it. Tangentially related story from my childhood: once I had a nightmare in my childhood where somebody killed me by decapitating me with the propellor of a remote-controlled helicopter. Another childhood dream I remember: I was at a costume party dressed up like a flamingo, and we were on the upstairs of a house, by a balcony. Somebody put out their hand for me to shake, as they were introducing themselves, and I had no hands, b/c I was a flamingo, so I pecked their hand with my beak, but I pecked too hard and they fell of the balcony and died. It freaked me out when I was a kid...

10. Do the Right Thing -- This is the only movie which I own but I've never actually seen. I got it for 3 bux at Plan 9, and I've just never gotten around to watching it. Therefore, I will talk about another Rosie Perez movie, White Men Can't Jump. Hey man, just because a title of a movie is a racist comment against white people doesn't make it okay. I can too jump. Man, that movie sucks.

11. Election -- This is the best movie ever made by all the people involved in it. I never understood how Reese Witherspoon and Chris Klein could be so good in this movie and so terrible in everything else. "I also like bananas". Fun fact about Reese Witherspoon: She has a freaky name. Actually I just looked it up and her real first name is Laura. Still, Witherspoon is a weirdo last name. To be fair to Reese, she was okay in Pleasantville too, another movie hated by the Catholic Church. Hehehe, Reese was once in a movie called "Desparate Choices: To Save My Child", in which she plays a young woman dying of leukemia. If you like this movie, IMDB Recommends: The Summer My Father Grew Up.

12. Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, The Good The Bad and the Ugly -- A three pack of Clint movies I bought for cheap at CostCo. In my opinion, CostCo is a funny name for a store, since cost is what you try to avoid when going to a store. Like naming a pet store BiteCo, or a gun company Accidental Homicide Co. Okay, not EXACTLY like that, but I still think it's a stupid name.

13. Get Over It -- Another one I've talked about before. Two worst actors of all time: Colin Hanks & Sisqo (aka "Crazy Legs") are tied. Fun fact about Sisqo: His name is a homonym of two companies. Fun fact about Sysco: I bought stock in it in my high school economics class' stock game. Fun Fact about Econ: My teacher, Coach Williams, pronounced Valentines Day as Valentimes Day. Favorite method of determining percentage change in real GDP: Chain-linked.

14. Ghostbusters -- For the record, I don't think "Ghostbusters" and "I Want a New Drug" really sound THAT similar to each other. Top 4 Ghostbusters: 1. Venkman 2. Winston 3. Egon 4. Ray. Top 2 Agents of Zuul: 1. Keymaster, 2. Gatekeeper. "Yes it's true, this man has no penis". To me, at least, Annie Potts looks totally different in this movie, and in her other roles. Annie Potts is horribly miscast in Pretty in Pink. Its hard to believe that Annie Potts is so unnapreciated and gets very little recognition. She is one of Tv's most brilliant actresses. From Designing Women to Any Day Now---------Annie Potts is a gifted actress and her presence is very charming and warm. I have no doubt that like her charactars, Ms Potts is a wonderful person as well. I hope she has a lot more planned, I love watching her act. Actually, I copied most of that from a post on the Annie Potts message board on IMDB. Although I do love me some Designing Women.

15. Glengarry Glen Ross -- Fun thing to count: Which is said more in Glengarry Glen Ross, some variant of the f-word, or some variant of the word "leads"? I have no idea what the answer is, by the way, but both have to average more than once a minute or two. Alec Baldwin is absolutely genius in this movie. "You know what you gotta have to make it in this business? Brass balls" "Coffee is for closers". When I went to Chicago and saw Second City perform, they did a parody of Glass Menagerie, as if it were written by Glengarry-era David Mamet. In the interest of looking out for the children, I probably shouldn't repeat.

16. Gremlins 2 -- I must have seen this movie a million times, and I still think it rocks. Tony Randall as the Brain Gremlin is so so genius. This is one of the weirdest, most madcap movies I've ever seen. Leonard Maltin's cameo: GENIUS. Hulk Hogan: GENIUS. The version I have though, is the John Wayne version, which is okay but not as good as the Hogan one. The tagline for this movie is "Here they grow again" which is an absolutely awful pun. I really don't know how they got from Gremlins 1 to this movie, which I think is much better than the original. Not much to say about this movie, because like I said I've seen it a million times, and I already have come to accept that it is amazing. Probably in the top 10 of all time.

17. High Fidelity -- In honor of High Fidelity:
Top 2 least favorite songs of all time
1. I'll Be Missing You
2. Jingle Bell Rock

18. I'm Gonna Git You Sucka -- Ah, the Wayans brothers. Worst movie of all time featuring a Wayans Brother: Senseless, among those which I've seen. Least Favorite Wayans Brother: Sean...he's so pointless. Best Wayans Brother: Damon ("Hated it!" and Homey the clown...tough to beat). Best movie featuring a Wayans brother: Hollywood Shuffle. Since I don't own Hollywood Shuffle I want to talk about it now. Robert Townsend's finest moment. Winky Dinky Dogs. Black Film Critics. Etc. Watch this movie, if you possibly can.
Worst movie featuring both a Wayans brother and a cast member on Freaks and Geeks: White Chicks. Worst movie featuring a cast member of F&G but no Wayans brothers: Slackers. Best movie featuring a cast member of F&G but no Wayans brothers: Spiderman 2. Better Acting Family, Wayans or Baldwins: Baldwins, if I am allowed to count Celebrity Mole in the mix. Best Host of The Mole who was also a CNN Anchor: Anderson Cooper.
Okay, this has got to stop, and it has to stop now.

Exactly halfway done, next half later.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Election a good movie? You must be crazy. Furthermore, I find it amazing that you think JLH movies are anti-catholic when you don't note the direct linkage between JLH and your girl Audrey. I mean "Roman Holiday"? You don't think that has some anti-papal undertones? Can't Hardly Wait is the best movie ever...maybe Napoleon though.


12:55 AM  
Anonymous Patrick said...

3. Being Patrick Huber is quite possibly the worst concept for a movie ever. At least it would help explain my behavior.

10. The only reason I can think of that "Do the Right Thing" is considered a good movie is because it manages to make black people and white people angry for entirely different reasons.

13. Why on earth did I watch that movie with you guys so much? It got worse every time.


11:47 PM  
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1:33 PM  

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